Almost everyone believes they’re self-aware. After years of research, Tasha Eurich landed on a humbling number: roughly 95% of people think they have it, and only 10 to 15% actually do.

Her real contribution is showing that self-awareness isn’t one capacity but two, and they don’t move together. Internal self-awareness is seeing your own values, patterns, and triggers clearly. External self-awareness is knowing how you actually land on other people. You can be fluent in one and blind in the other. Plenty of deeply reflective leaders have almost no idea how they come across, and they assume the inner work covered both halves.

What’s worth sitting with is what seniority does to this. The higher you rise, the less anyone tells you the truth about your impact, so your external self-awareness erodes at the exact moment your impact on others grows. Nothing flags it, because silence feels like approval. Confidence keeps climbing while the feedback that would correct it quietly disappears. The leaders who describe themselves with the most certainty are often the ones with the least honest input left to check it against.

So this week, pick one person whose candor you trust and ask them something most leaders never say out loud: “Where do I come across differently than I think I do?” Then don’t explain or defend. Let the answer sit.

If you can’t remember the last time someone updated your picture of yourself, that’s the data.